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How To Land On The Pages Of The New Government Tabloid

How To Land On The Pages Of The New Government Tabloid

Are you a local celebrity? Have you ever felt like your career was going nowhere? Do you ever think sometimes that you were destined for more attention, that you don’t deserve to be lost in the shuffle? Do you believe you need that one more push to finally make that much-needed leap into the spotlight?

Fret not, Masa is here for you!

Masa, the new tabloid newspaper straight from the government, which automatically makes it absolutely credible and full of integrity and a total must-read, can give you all the publicity you need. All you have to do is tell the world you’re involved in drugs! You don’t actually have to deal them or be taking them; you just have to find a way to get your name mentioned in the same breath as shabu or cocaine—this is really easy with social media and the Filipino’s propensity for gossip—and Masa will do the rest!

You’ll find yourself heavily hinted at in a blind item on Masa‘s Pulitzer-worthy entertainment page (that is way more concerned with drugs than the DEA in Breaking Bad), and given enough heat, people will eventually train their sights on you! You’ll have all the attention you could ever want!

 

Thanks, Duterte, you’ve really solved all our problems! Change has come indeed!

[Coconuts Manila]

Photos from the Philippine Daily Inquirer and PTV

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Romeo Moran
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