by Lex Celera
Illustrations by Lianne Fondevilla
Everything on TV is so bleak these days. All I see when I check local news are politicians talking trash, some pageant winner saying something politically incorrect, and rumors after rumors after rumors. All I’m thinking is that if you want to talk trash, you better show your fits. I don’t want you to fire off your Twitter fingers or spew off haterade on Facebook live until I see your fire jawnz, brodie. So let’s see ’em. Has Logic and G-Eazy on repeat while he vapes.
Who in the world would put spaghetti sauce on their waffles? Mar motherfucking Roxas, that’s who. He’s just chilling these days, soaking up the vibe as a travel and food blogger. It’s time to try new things you know? All this years of pressure just get to you, and now is the perfect time to find who you really are. Fuck the haters, he’s on his own shit. He didn’t win the presidential race, but he’s winning in life. Has Logic and G-Eazy on repeat while he vapes.
Fit: Odd Future GOLF cap, Ralph Lauren vintage Hawaiian shirt, RVCA denim jeans, New Balance 990.
Rodrigo “DU30” Duterte
Change everything but yourself. The President likes to keep it old school. Baggy jeans are his thing (tbh they’re comfy as fuck), but don’t hate. He doesn’t have the tightest fit in the squad, and his taste may be outdated, but don’t tell him that lest he go extra judicial on your ass. Don’t let him catch you disrespect him. He doesn’t care whether you’re a bright journalist or an aging nun.
Fit: Supreme bucket hat, Team Manila ‘West Philippines Sea’ tee, his signature baggy pants, Air Jordan 1s.
Alan Peter Cayetano
Street goth is alive in tropical Manila; just look at this dude. He doesn’t sweat ’cause his veins are cold as ice. Only a guy so sus in politics can pull this off. Remember when he got his mic shut off during that Senate hearing? He took that to heart. That very night, after four straight games of League of Legends, he checked the Four Pins archive and bought some swag online right off the bat. “‘Di kita papapormahin pala, ah? Look at me now, Trillanes,” he whispers to himself as he snaps a bathroom selfie, Skepta’s Shutdown playing on his speakers.
Fit: OFF WHITE ‘You cut me off’ jacket, Comme des Garçons buckled trousers, Y-3 Qasa
One word to describe this dude? Rebel. A military man turned mutiny leader turned senator, he’s an absolute madman that spits out his opinions whenever he wants. Even with all his moves in the senate, he still finds time to flex, and plus, he really invests in the lifestyle of the brands that he wear. All his negative karma on Reddit got to him though, so if he’s not on the deep web he’s probably hanging out at Neogaf or something.
Fit: A Bathing Ape Zip Shark Camo Hoodie, BEEN TRILL shirt, APC denim jeans, Yeezy duck boots
Yas kween, keep slaying. Leni doesn’t need to ask her daughters what’s hip and trendy cause damn, she already knows. Lowkey, forward-thinking, the Vice President’s clothes are exactly like her. Listens to HONNE and Wet while she’s on her vice presidential trips.
Fit: Vetements DHL tee, thrifted culottes, VANS Sk8-hi Triple White