More often than not, everyone roots for the protagonist. And why not, when the formula conditions us to do so: Theyâre uncomfortably heroic, capable and fine-tuned enough to invoke likeability as much as they brave bombs and bullets.
What comes next when you meet the humanized version of the âfall seven times, stand up eightâ 2012 Tumblr mantra? You become like them. Or, you want to be like them. And itâs relatively easier if itâs someone so lovable as SpongeBob SquarePants.Â
When finishing a page off a slambook, sealing a motto felt like the trickiest. But SpongeBobâs broken-record beat âIâm ready, Iâm ready, Iâm ready!ââin his Krusty Krab hat on the way to pull up at workâresonated with me when I was younger. He can do anything, save anything, change anythingâeven if takes tons of mistakes. Bikini Bottomâs famous sponge was the highbrow of the happiness department, too ridiculously admirable that I patterned myself after him.Â
In âCan You Spare A Dime?â SpongeBob (literally) made room for Squidward after he quit his cashier job because of a false accusation. This made Squidward a beggar housed in a box, which Spongebob initially thought looked like a âfootball-playing king in space,â an expired slice of Squidwardâs dreams. In his true naive and selfless fashion, SpongeBob served his homeless and jobless nemesis without question.
But the more I loathed him, the more I realized I was becoming the protagonistâs wet blanket. Iâve become a Squidward.
Rewatching that episode made me cringe at my hero, thinking that Squidward didnât deserve effort. He always spoils SpongeBobâs happiness, never reciprocates his efforts and proves to be the bane of his existence. How dare you do dirty to someone who made Pretty Patties a thing? But the more I loathed him, the more I realized I was becoming the protagonistâs wet blanket. Iâve become a Squidward.
The Squidward brand of aloofness took full swing post-graduation. During the shoot of a short film we made âfor fun,â I told my high school gang about my heavy feeling of disinterest in many things. Enthusiasm felt like a chore as hobbies sounded like dead-ends. Quite ironic when weâre in the middle of something that demanded drive.Â
Mundane life events werenât the only thing I felt tired of. I also slowly became distant with people, even if I honestly didnât mean to. Opening messages? Responding in less than a minute? Taking long calls? I desperately craved solitude.Â
What happened to the person who could log four-hour conversations? My headspace started to suffocate every time. I couldnât free up space. In the words of Squidward, âI hate people. People hate me. I am my own best company.â
He rarely gives a shit and if he does, he probably has a motive. At the end of the day, heâs a selfish, cynical buzzkill. But what if Squidward just humanizes our adult response to the harsh world?
Becoming irked with minor inconveniences bothered me too, as it wrecked my Patient Prototype past life. This also meant internally batting an eye to whoever gushed about their excitement over âlittleâ things, the same way Squidward rolled his eyes over Spongebobâs reef blower (âchildish!â), Patrickâs scatterbrain discoveries, Mr. Krabsâ dad jokes and basically every quirk of Krusty Krab customers.Â
As an employee, Squidward is lazy and undedicated. He rarely gives a shit and if he does, he probably has a motive. At the end of the day, heâs a selfish, cynical buzzkill. But what if Squidward just humanizes our adult response to the harsh world?
Squidward may not shout âIâm ready, Iâm ready, Iâm ready!â on the way to work, but it doesnât mean heâs not a passionate individual. He religiously plays the clarinet, pulls off a tissue-inspired pop show and carries an art portfolio Renaissance painters would resurrect themselves for. The only thing is, he remains an âalmostâ in societal standards.Â
For instance, in âArtist Unknown,â we see Squidward failing to do a perfect circle despite being able to whip up an Impressionist âBold and Brashâ painting. He gets overshadowed by SpongeBob, who can actually sculpt a statue and draw a perfect circle. While throwing a fit, Squidward creates an amazing version of Michaelangeloâs âDavid.âÂ
Not everyone around him appreciates his clarinet skills, especially when it doesnât quite hold up at times. But his wins here and there deserve some credit. Exhibit A: playing the classical âSolitude in E Minor.â
He religiously plays the clarinet, pulls off a tissue-inspired pop show and carries an art portfolio Renaissance painters would resurrect themselves for. The only thing is, he remains an âalmostâ in societal standards.Â
Squidward grew up friendless, beside garbage cans at lunch and being pitied against his rich ass band classmate Squillam Fancyson. To no oneâs surprise, this rivalry endured when they got older, and Squidward was forced to pretend to have a glamorous life when they met againâan attempt to destroy his âMost Likely to Suck Eggsâ reputation in high school.Â
Aside from being an owner of a five-star restaurant, Squillam also played the clarinet. With this, I canât help but think that Squidward caught the bad side of fate. In the âDunces and Dragons,â episode set in the Middle Ages, Squidwardâs medieval ancestor Squidly vowed that if he could not play the clarinet correctly, his seventh great-grandson would be cursed tenfoldâwhich is Squidward.
Whenever reality breaks my heart, I send the iconic âHere Lies Squidwardâs Hopes and Dreamsâ tomb meme to my friends. If I were to send it to Mr. Krabs, heâd probably say, âwhat a babyâ like what he did after eavesdropping Squidwardâs cry-monologue. But is it so bad to feel a little hurt when you realize the impossibility of your goals?
Sometimes, we need Squidwardâs to-do lists to survive: try to relax, talk to self, work on art, cry, practice clarinet, use imagination and give up. We canât be the SpongeBobs the world wants us to be all the time.Â
Squidward is far from perfect. But thereâs comfort in knowing that such cartoon characters like him exist. You learn to understand them as you get older, which means youâre actually growing up. You also wish them great successâsomething a protagonist would normally have. Because thatâs what you want for your imperfect self too.Â
(And oh, we also gotta give it to Squidwardâs protest speech against Krustry Krabâs oppression.)
Original screenshot from âSpongeBob SquarePantsâ
Edited by Yel Sayo