One of the toughest parts of dating is going on actual dates. And with Valentine’s day right around the corner (hint: the corner is today), you’ll want to spare your partner the dagger stares when you reply, “uhhh, whatever you wanna do.” So what are you waiting for? Ask your crush out so you can show your mom that you have a thriving dating life and aren’t just living off refrigerated leftovers everyday, or prove to your Tinder match that you’re not trying to catfish them! By the end of the night, you’ll have your date saying, “damn, I love you,” or at the very least, “damn.”
Step inside your local Starbucks that doesn’t have a single free table to sit at as you awkwardly hover and exchange insightful weather complaints for 30 minutes. Afterwards, pretend you aren’t wedged between a freelancer cramming a deadline and a college thesis group studying for midterms, but are instead falling in love under the moonlight on a Parisienne sidewalk café as you nurse a cappuccino smoother than the rapport you’ve been failing to build for the past three hours.
Finally found someone with compatible political opinions, impeccable taste in music, and a stockpile of interesting travel experiences? Then you’ll probably never run out of things to talk about! Flex those brilliant conversationalist muscles by sitting in the dark in silence for two hours. You can go see an arthouse film, so your date can either be super impressed with how cultured you are, or super resent you for being pretentious and making them read while watching a movie.
Has your significant other been complaining about how they really need to lose weight and that no one will accept them for who they are? Taking them to the gym on Valentine’s day will show them that you truly listen and care about their insecurities. Bonus points: surprise them with a bouquet of diet supplements. So thoughtful.
About to go on your first date but you already swear that they’re The One? Of course it counts that he likes ALL your posts. But save the wedding for date number three—take them to someone else’s ceremony first! Be sure to do it exactly on Valentine’s because you’re just THAT sweet. Hot tip: you can even make it a drinking game and take a shot every time someone hits you with a “so when are YOU tying the knot?” Ha ha, not awkward!
Are you dragging out the end of your crumbling relationship farther out than it should go? Sweep your problems under a metaphorical rug some more — it’s Valentine’s day! Planning a date might be hard, but so is admitting your partner can no longer fulfill your needs. Take them to a cheese and wine buffet so that when they start bringing up that “you’re like, never there anymore,” you can just drink more wine! Wine is always a reliable bandaid solution to fill the emptiest of voids.
By Isabella Argosino
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