An unknown philosopher once said, “a picture is worth a thousand words.” Another philosopher said, “one font is worth a thousand war flashbacks.” That second philosopher is me.
Sure, words themselves evoke feelings but revamping their appearance can instantly change a whole ass mood. Shifting from a Comic Sans “STOP!” to a Chiller “STOP!” is a 180-degree moment. If not, maybe you’re just a little numb (or desensitized to Times New Roman’s predominance.)
Picking fonts is one of our golden Choices™, but sometimes the world does it for us. Here’s a one-page history book of the moments when our reality shaped fonts, and fonts shaped our reality.
- Ah, childhood. Keywords: Pre-existential crisis and insomnia.
- Go-to when having the lyrics of Jordin Sparks’ “No Air” printed at your nearby computer shop. Purple font, size 14, double-spaced.
- A PowerPoint presentation staple before campy transitions retired.
- But could Comic Sans be the answer to easier retention? If yes, I don’t mind its comeback. After all, I’ve been using it ironically. (Or not.)
- *sweeps off abundant bangs*
- “Hey, I can edit your photo!” but in 2009
- Your emo classmate’s Friendster profile.
- Is this… cheese powder in my hands? Was this ever used in 2000s junk food packaging or am I dreaming?
- In another life, this could’ve been The Burn Book’s font.
- If ? were a font.
- My Bratz dolls’ conversations probably looked like this.
- Sorry, you have failed your Math test.
- Or sorry, you have potentially failed your Math class and we’re giving you a chance at removals. (We’re not sorry.)
- Or an ebook you can’t download illegally.
- Or an academic journal you can’t unlock.
Times New Roman
- Fonts you can smell (by that, I mean, your high school’s old brochure. And yearbook.)
- THIS WAY TO [insert tangible location here].
- Dark coffee, sleepiness, and 2 am. A blank MS Word document.
- Pay your respects to the canon of all fonts.
- Budget Halloween party poster you’re ashamed to admit that you like.
- Pitch: “Among Us” but using this font.
- “My favorite colors are red and black.”
- Sounds like B-Movie voiceovers that’ll choke on their own in the 20th minute.
- Yes, I am a Scriptwriter™
- The retreat letter of your friend who has bad penmanship.
- The cousin of Typewriter the font, a cottagecore essential.
- [mystery skit voice] when the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog…
- Google Doc’s favorite child.
- “Ugh, her presentation has no personality.”
- Times New Roman’s insecure twin.
- Your Boomer Tita’s Facebook bakery logo.
Art by Yel Sayo